[Hipster scouting: The Interweb]

Thursday, November 27, 2008

If you are a blogger, you know the addictive fun that the administrative view of a site can bring. So, in light of the fact that I haven’t posted for over a month and my stats are still holding strong, I decided to post this list of amazing search terms I have been collecting since the inception of this blog just for you, devoted hipster readers.

For those unfamiliar with the art of blogging, these are the terms people have typed into Google or other search engines that landed them at my blog, accidentally or on-purpose…

The Obvious

  • “hipster”
  • “Brooklyn hipsters”
  • “hipster fail”
  • “mgmt mccarren” – See also:
    • “lame park concerts”
    • “concert beachballs”
  • “hipster pregnancy” – you may have scoffed at Howard when he wrote about this topic, but apparently it’s burning on the minds of countless young Americans. Well, actually, WordPress tallied it at 65.
  • “awkward hipster dancing”
  • “hipster jorts” – See also:
    • “khorts”
  • “hipster mating”
  • “hipster girls, cocaine

You’re Obviously a Hipster

  • “what is a really good song that i should download”
  • “my friends like hipster music”

LOL I Can’t Believe My Blog Shows Up When People Search For These Things

  • “American economy” – I’m glad that struggling stock brokers and government planners alike now have the privilege of encountering my informative recap of the epic failing of Corporate America on their daily info searches.
  • “Bushwick” – w00t! Halting real-estate hegemony in its path! See also:
    • “Bushwick 08 crime rate new york”
    • “Bushwick dangerous hipsters”
    • “Bushwick rapes”
    • “how not to get killed in Bushwick” – a very important one. I probably searched that at some point or another
    • “Bushwick trash day”
  • “Fetal Alcohol Syndrome” – accurate medical research found here
  • “Craigslist New York”
  • “Irish plaid patterns”
  • “cunt”
  • “hot corporate attire”
  • “why to never work for a corporation” – I hope whoever sent this query was satisfied with the answer, “Because hipsters don’t like them.”
  • “Michael Phelps” – sorry to steal a microscopic smidgen of your glory, Phelpsy. (Little known fact, Michael Phelps once confided in me about how he lost his virginity. No joke.) See Also:
    • “Michael Phelps swimming chest”
    • “Michael Phelps with medals”
    • “Michael Phelps Halloween costume”
    • “Michael Phelps distracts girl
  • “sports”
  • “were the Puerto Ricans forced to move?” – I’m really glad that I am associated with this search term so that I am able to diffuse common misconceptions that hipsters are responsible for gentrification in Williamsburg. As you may have read in the post about thing hipsters don’t like #5 Gentrification, the bulk of the blame should be placed on yuppies and real estate agents.

I Can’t Believe People Search For These Things

  • “American Apparel pregnant”
  • “stuff white hipsters like” – LOL, come now. Is there really a need to differentiate?
  • “hipster rape whistles
  • “Los Angeles +dive +cunt”
  • “bald hipsters” – and inversely:
  • “hipster bangs”
  • “hipster stuff for apartments”
  • “i don’t want to be a hipster
  • “empanada factory”
  • “too many hipsters not enough crime” – aww, but lol

The “How-to” Series: Instruction Mannual Plz?

  • “how to go to a hipster concert”
  • “how to wear high tops like a hipster”
  • “how to dress hipster, high school” – /palmface
  • “how to make nonchalant hipster fall in love with me” – sad, but remember: For hipsters, nothing says “I love you” like avoiding eye contact, hiding behind people or supportive structures, running away, ridiculing your taste in anything… or just anything about you, or storming out of a room.
  • “how to be a hipster ‘life’ “

Uhhhh… (wtf)

  • “zodiac sexual position”
  • “brutality”
  • “gold bikini -ebay -leila -star -wars” – I am baffled. See also:
    • “jedi apparel”
  • “hipster catatonic misery friends economy” – BAFFLED
  • “chimera skull resistance”
  • “webalbum bitch” – when I first read this term, I thought, “wtf is a ‘wee-bal-bum’ bitch?” It sounds like some kind of Dr. Seuss character. Google informed me that what they really meant to search for was “web album bitch,” but I’m still confused about what this is and how it is related to my blog.
  • “Lola is a shitty artist” – despite this being true, I can’t imagine what somebody would expect to find while searching this term. So I put it to the test and pulled up nothing remotely containing these search phrases besides some chick’s myspace page and my blog.

So, after posting this list that’s been burning in a Word document for the past three months, there are some things I have learned:

1) I am pretty much an expert on hipsters.

2) People search for really weird things.

3) Google is quirky.

4) I have obtained the ability to inflict innocent bystanders with my hipster commentary. Score!

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9 Responses to “[Hipster scouting: The Interweb]”

  1. caturday said

    I LOVE YOU LOLA WAKEFIELD!

  2. Yaya Lim said

    Where do you get all that info. It seems that you have done quite a research.
    Are there a large quantity of hipsters rummaging the City streets without a cause? Who knows. The truth is that the adjective hipster can mean so many different things. Can apply to a cause or a person, can be an outfit but what is the real meaning?
    Define hipster please.
    Yaya Lim

  3. Welcome to the club. Of people that are experts on hipsters. Enjoy the free drinks.

  4. Gen said

    Outrageous, isn’t it? I have a similar, tongue-in-cheek, totally ironic website about hipster culture and you’d be amazed by some of the crazy shit that people Google to get to us. Not that I’m complaining about new readers that aren’t my mom, but still. I even wrote a post about it (but before you did, so like, I wasn’t copying you or anything): http://thetragicallyunhip.com/2008/11/07/top-ten-google-phrases-that-led-people-to-our-blog.

  5. Sam said

    I found your post on how to photograph a hipster while searching for photos of inflatable panda’s on Google.

  6. lol said

    I got to this crappy blog by searching “bald hpisters”. just wanted to say that. I will never come back here.

  7. yoursurprise-1 said

    Please let me know if you’re looking for a author for your weblog. You have some really great posts and I think I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d really like to write some articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please blast me an email if interested. Many thanks!

  8. Adam said

    Hahah! I found your site by a random Google search and I’m glad to see such an eclectic selection of other searches that show up here. #win

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