#2) Being spontaneously photographed

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hipsters love to have their picture taken. Every snapshot is one more chance to achieve the perfect myspace profile picture. But they hate being captured as the rest of the world sees them, spontaneous and digitally unaltered. If you approach a hipster and ask to take his picture, he will either:

A) Oblige, but spend five entire minutes attempting to portray “distant indifference” while shaking his bangs so they fall in the perfect asymmetrical pattern. Then, unless he is in a hurry (note: hipsters don’t actually hurry; they only occasionally quicken pace to give the appearance that they have something more important to do than talk to you), he will inevitably force you to show him the image after and retake it if it does not meet his standards. If it excels his standards, he will insist that you email it to him, further lengthening the encounter.

or B) Contemplate why you want to take his picture, become extremely self-conscious, angstily refuse, and proceed to question his identity, become depressed.

This becomes problematic when attempting to capture true hipster essence. In order to avoid the bad karma of inducing a midlife crisis on your subject (note: while the life expectancy of the average American as calculated by the Centers for Disease control is 77.8 years, the life expectancy of the average hipster according to my own precise calculations is 28 years, so it would really be more like an over-the-hill crisis) or wasting time, I devised an unobtrusive and surefire method to capture hipsters on camera in all their unsuspecting glory.

My lovely assistant will demonstrate:

Have your friend position herself next to the unsuspecting hipster and pretend to take her picture.

Step 1: Have your friend position herself next to the unsuspecting hipster and pretend to take her picture.

Position yourself at an angle that optimally captures both your friend and the angst radiating from your subject.

Step 2: Position yourself at an angle that optimally captures both your friend and the angst radiating from your subject.

More on hipster life expectancy below the jump –>
A screen shot of hipster responses to the "consumption" section of The Death Test, courtesy of my method acting.

A screen shot of hipster responses to the "consumption" section of The Death Test, courtesy of my method acting.

____________________________________________________________________
Photographs by Lola Wakefield for Stuff Hipsters Don’t Like ©2008
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12 Responses to “#2) Being spontaneously photographed”

  1. nic knack said

    HAHAH oh man…i love this blog! Nicely done, Ms.Wakefield. the blue pants on that guy are a nice touch – are those ladies jeans from forever 21 btw..or hipster paradise – american apparel? he looks like a deer in headlights.

  2. alex said

    Just wondering, you wouldn’t have an explanation why the hipster phenomenon seems to have become a worldwide thing? we have them running around over here in Brussels as well. Loads! Or these the offspring of the species you’re blogging about?

    Seriously though, great blog, keep it up, utter brilliance I tells you!

  3. glitterdice said

    Whoa, there are hipsters in Orlando? No wonder he looks so miserable.

  4. kanti said

    i dunno tho, theres a difference between a hipster, which at least brings something interesting to the table, and a poser hipster which your friend seems to have taken a picture with. poser hipsters are the lowest of the low
    how can you tell
    ask them what kind of music they like, if they list any good bands you know they are faking it
    real hipster act like they dont care and then say something ironic like nas or blink 182 and proceed to flick their cigarette at you

  5. […] to take this photo and blow their cover! In the absence of my photographer, I had to revert to my tried and true hipster-photography method of inserting a plant into the pic. Tap […]

  6. […] I wanted to win or anything because that probably would have prompted an identity crisis such as that which occurs to hipsters when you ask to take their photograph without providing a reason.) but most of the other candidates were actually really good. Sarah (cute Asian) should probably be […]

  7. al said

    i think it’s weird to take pictures of strangers. i would find it totally creepy if someone asked to take my picture and didn’t tell me why they wanted it.

  8. erica said

    Is his outfit seriously worse than your assistant’s boring boot-cut jeans and shirt she got from Old Navy? And her no-style frat girl hair she’s had her whole life? At least some people put color and thought to what they wear, you’re obviously obsessed by people who try to have their own style since neither you nor your friends have one of your own. Get a life.

  9. sabala said

    Yes Erica, it is…seriously worse as you say. Get a clue.

  10. bloodshot said

    Step #3 if you are making fun of how someone dresses make sure your “freind” or “assistant” has some kind of style and doesn’t make retarded faces.

    step #4 find out where you and your assistant frequent and use your technique of taking stealth shots on you..

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