#1) Hipsters

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hipsters have a particular disdain for their peers. They are ruthless when it comes to criticizing the outfits/haircuts/body modifications of the other people around them, and often hold impromptu competitions to see who can spot the biggest hipster in the room. Winner would take all, if he cared – which he doesn’t. You know you have encountered a true hipster his first utterance when entering a venue is “Jesus, this place is crawling with hipsters.”

I can't stand these fucking people

("I can't stand these fucking people")

The hipster will not make any attempt to whisper or conceal his disdain for one reason and one reason only: the hipster does not believe that he is a hipster. Just as Clayton Bigsby, the blind white supremacist played by Dave Chapelle, goes about his life unaware that he is actually black, hipsters attend free showings of movies like A Wet Hot American Summer and The Virgin Suicides at McCarren Park Pool blissfully unaware that they are not really as ironic as they think they are. (Note: any attempt to inform a hipster that he actually is a hipster should be considered futile; be prepared for an incredulous stink eye followed by immediate nonchalance.)


65 Responses to “#1) Hipsters”

  1. Little Whirl said

    It isn’t stink eye, her face is just like that.

  2. dave4 said

    a blog about “hipsters” is more of a waste of space than hipster themselves

  3. That may indeed be the case, dave4, but as long as I keep laughing out loud when I read the posts, I hope she’ll keep posting!

    Well done.

  4. lupiloops said

    This is just hilarious.

  5. amiirraa said

    according to the post Dave4 has gotta be a hipster

  6. kanti said

    i enjoy your schenanigans OP

  7. […] I scoffed at someone the other day for not knowing who The Ting Tings are. I finally got my stuff shipped from my home town and realized my wardrobe is 70 percent thrift store items and hand-me-downs and 20 percent childhood t-shirts that may or may not be ironic; the things I bought from actual retail stores (the remaining 10 percent) are from the Urban Outfitters annual sidewalk sale or converse sneakers. Most incriminatingly, I had a fling with the lead singer of a hipster band — who i met at Union Pool. (PS: If you’re reading this, sorry! I know you don’t think you or your band is “hipster” but, well, you are and it is.) […]

  8. Iman said

    well I guess the hate has to start somewhere. way to spread it.

  9. Pancho said

    I share this disdain with you, I wrote a similar entry a while back, we should band together and rid the world of these assholes.

  10. Elisha said

    This is so true! And so funny. My friends who were fun and normal moved to SF from the burbs in droves and became total hipsters. I saw one of those friends posted that “Hipster Olympics” video on one of the other friend’s MySpace page. Talk about irony!

    And dumbass dave4 doesn’t seem to “get it”.

  11. Will said

    Making the claim that whoever is a “hipster” will calim that they are not a “hipster” is circular logic. Who wouldn’t say that they they aren’t something that is socially acknowledged as “wrong” or “ironic”? And in the meanwhile, you are using a term that is simutaneously judgemental, and self-reflective. Anyone who makes a claim about another human being with no mention of any personal contact or systematic study and thought has some sort of personal loss of self-image when confronted with someone who challenges them in appearance/thought/style, etc. So what if a “hipster” (by your personal standards of “self”) reflects that which you disdain? What makes you any “better” or more “productive”, or any other positive leaning word or adjective I could use?

  12. r.b. said

    wow…way to spread hate about people who ultimately arent doing anything wrong. so the fuck what? who cares if they dress and act like that? you think so highly of yourself that you can talk about people like that? since you do, your the one with the problem and the true asshole. you’re being hateful for no reason. oh i forgot, you do have a reason, its just because you dont like them. people like you should not exist, the world would be better off without you. btw, you’re not as “witty” and “ironic” as you think you are.

  13. emmaroseee said

    jeez, people. what is the deal?
    people can be who they want, you have no right to diss them for it.
    prejudices like this start really stupid shit.
    ever heard of the holocaust?

  14. Mr. Logic said

    It seems pretty weak to compare the fun little jokes cracked on the “hipster” crew to a mass murder of people like the holocaust. Its best to stay away from broad generalizations about any subculture but what is the fucking harm in making some jokes about how silly people can act? Everyone is taking themselves way to seriously (hipster crew and hipsters hatters included). One of my best friends is a self proclaimed hipster and i view it as an outward expression of her personality even though i think that scene in general isnt for me. So in conclusion do what you do and own the shit out of it,and have some fun along the way. just dont be a lame ass toolbag. (this site is funny as hell by the way)

  15. anon. said

    I think it’s funny that some hipsters will probably read this and laugh at their own kind, though not realizing that they fit ever so perfectly into this stereotype of misfits.

    Oh the irony. This makes me smile.

    • IDon'tNeedThisShit said

      I just realized that my sister is a fucking hipster. She is constantly talking about how terrible hipsters are, she “ironically” tried (and failed) to dress up like a hipster for Halloween, etc. I come to the conclusion that you definitely don’t have to dress like a hipster to BE a hipster. Hipster is as hipster does.

  16. […] here’s another blog in the same vein: stuffhipstersdontlike [#1 goes back to the whole beginning of this […]

  17. zombicon one said

    fresh. hilarious. i totally get it. :3

  18. […] remnants from my chin onto my sleeve, but am fairly sure this move did not go undetected by the three self-assured hipsters walking towards me on the […]

  19. dsfsd said

    dude i could have made a funnier rant about hipsters. Better writing would be one tip

  20. Kat said

    That’s a girl in the middle, right?

  21. ironicjustice said

    ₧all of you are total conformistssedismister dont læk my words shove it deal with it spoons₧

  22. danny said

    dave4 is definitely a hipster.

  23. […] Trying to come up with the next hot toy ended up being a red hot disaster for a Korean toy maker this year. Their new line of toy hipsters hit the road totally unprepared and ended up sharing the fate of so many real life stylistas of the street. […]

  24. Lux said

    This is Busha. Big time. Busha.

  25. welp, this is a pretty blanket claim
    why don’t you write something about tv or books

  26. ElanaBanana said

    I never knew what a hipster was until I fell in love with one. If you’re a non hipster, and you date a hipster (and you’re particularly sensitive of what your significant other thinks) you’re in for a lot of hurt.

    He used to wear a kilt with ironic t-shirts. His hair was long and shaggy, and he was really really really skinny. He never listened to “mainstream” music.

    I’m an actress and a model/songwriter, so I guess I’m a sort of hipster magnet. I know he only liked me because of my unique profession. I’m not a hipster myself though. One thing that classifies a hipster is how unaccepting they are of people who are different from them. I used to hang around with him and his hipster friends, and all they would do was sit around and criticize everyone else for being “mainstream”. It was awful.

    I was in love with him, and I didn’t want him to disapprove of me. So I stopped listening to the kind of music I liked (at least in front of him) and kept most of the things I liked a secret. I know, I was pretty dumb, but it was the first time I’d fallen in love.

    Anyway, I got an offer from a real record company! They wanted to produce an album of some of my songs. The producer said he was going to make me the next J Lo (hehehe). But that would mean I’d have to make my image sexier and more “mainstream.” It didn’t really bother me that much because it was my big break! I was thrilled.
    But my boyfriend GREATLY disapproved. He wanted me to turn the offer down; called it “selling out”. I was so torn.

    As my career became more and more successful, he grew more and more disapproving, and it killed me. I think he was a little jealous, too. I mean, here I was making a name for myself, and he was still living off of monthly check from his parents.

    One day I was going to do a photo shoot in Miami modeling bikini wear and lingerie. He was not happy about that at all. I had to cancel the shoot because of him (I know, pretty dumb) and ended up burning a bridge with a great photographer.

    Finally, we ended things. His arrogant attitude and mockery of my lifestyle was holding me back and making me depressed. I dropped down to 87 lbs. I stopped writing music, afraid that he would make fun of it if he didn’t like it (I tend to write kind of bubble-gum pop music; it’s just what comes out of me).

    The reason why people dislike hipsters isn’t because they’re different. It’s because of they’re intolerant and arrogant attitudes.

  27. IDon'tNeedThisShit said

    I find it interesting how most people in high school (which I am currently attending) are ridiculously hipster-like in their treatment of people, attitudes, and insecurities.

  28. Interested observer said





  29. burque said

    This is funny stuff. I still call them dirty hippies, but hipster is the same I guess. I think its even funnier that some of these “hipsters” are so upset that people are calling them out and making fun of them. Get over it. EVERYONE gets made fun of….it is a fact of life.

  30. Jess said

    What I love about hipsters (and non-hipsters who associated with hipsters) is how much effort they put into appearing not hipster/”being the real thing.” obviously this only exacerbates the cycle – it’s the best.

  31. max said

    I think i might be a hipster, which means i’m not, which means i am, ect… Paradoxes make my head hurt.

  32. sam said

    If all this blog does is talk shit about hipsters, then doesn’t that mean it was written by a hipster?
    Talk about irony.

  33. Gino said

    Someone early on in the responses wrote: “a blog about hipsters is as worthless as hipsters themselves.”

    I believe comments like that – seeped in passive aggressive arrogance – are the real problem.

    What is hipster or not is merely an entertaining endeavor that should be taken lightheartedly.

    The moment that an individual believes their comment is the cure all remedy for a group he/she feels facile is the moment I feel that the temperature turns Hipster.

    It creates an overly judgmental contest of faux-witty sound bites instead of nothing more than a good spirited 21st Century Public Forum.

  34. zxyx said

    name of the brunette?

  35. suckmydick said

    suck my dick mother fuckin bitchhess!!! (; hey wtf this thing was shit ROFL im high, http://www.sourmath.com is cool go to it.(:

  36. […] realized this would be a good experiment so I dressed up my most hipstery to see if I would get better […]

  37. […] making fun of. The blogoverse has been jokesin‘ on those American Apparel kids since like, 2008 or something. Google “stupid hipsters” – […]

  38. garrgirl said

    Aren’t hipsters just watered down punks with out the angst? This whole nonchalant, fuck the man, I’m too cool to move was done better in the 80’s punk rock scene. Hipsters are a rich man’s punk without the substance, committment and promise to change the world. Hipsters wear Sex Pistols t-shirts because they found it in their dad’s basement or on sale at the punk rock flea market, Punks wore it because they identified with the music. Hipsters are a joke, at least be innovative in your irony.

  39. Meade said

    My main question is why do hipsters have such bad taste in music? I agree with them that the stuff on the radio is awful. But their counter part is not much better! MGMT is the worst band I have ever heard. And I realize they are not hipster anymore. But they represent the past. I also think the Beatles were just awful. I throw their records in the trash whenever I find them. But I do love Patsy Cline! I have her on my turntable all the time. I just wonder why hipsters are so counter productive. They also are not the true creative community.

  40. i love funny stuffs, but i specially like funny movies and funny videos on the internet ‘;-

  41. keratinhair1 said

    This is funny stuff. I still call them dirty hippies, but hipster is the same I guess. I think its even funnier that some of these “hipsters” are so upset that people are calling them out and making fun of them. Get over it. EVERYONE gets made fun of….it is a fact of life.

  42. ed welsman jr said

    Get out…. eject…. escape from the Hipster Planet.

    (Clutch song)

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  51. kerriwells said

    this is hilarious hahahhahaha hipsters are sooo mainstream bro…. the ultimately true oxymoron.

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